The Hot or Not Bet

Today is the first day of bet number two with Matthew "Wanks With His Toes" Carr. The video forfeit ruined christmas in his house so hopefully this forfeit will leave him completely disowned and homeless (and in a perfect world he'd also end up bum raped in prison).

Here are the rules.

The Bet

The bet is to see who can score the lowest rating on hotornot.com. The pic had to be of our own face. We could use props but no tweaking with photoshop. They had to be handed in to Adam by midnight on 17th of January to be uploaded (neither of us know the url so we can't tamper with the votes). The bet ends on the 1st of February.

If any of the pics are turned down by hotornot then that person loses instantly (if they're both rejected then we both do the forfeit).


The Forfeit

The loser must let the winner send text messages from his mobile phone to any of his contacts. The amount of texts will be determined by the amount of points difference between the two scores (with a minimum of two texts).

I'll post the text messages and the replies received.

The Pics (click to enlarge)


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I'll update whenever Adam lets me know the scores. --------------------------------

 *UPDATE 1* (27/01/10) - Damn my good looks. I'm a 9.8. Nine point bastard eight! The Carr hasn't even had enough votes to get a rating yet. Sometimes being this gorgeous is a curse.

Moustache Bet

On a drunken night out I had a bet with Matthew "Judas" Carr. He had about 4 millimeters of stubble on his face but I was clean shaven so I had to quickly grow a beard. I put on Die Hard and watched some terrorists get blown to shit for a couple of hours, by the time John McClain said "Yipeekayay Motherfucker" I had a full beard and the bet was on.

Unless you're Burt Reynolds, Danny Trejo or Chopper Read a moustache will either make you look like a massive gay or a sex offender. Not many people can pull it off. Matthew "Freddie Mercury" Carr isn't going to be able to rock the 'stache. Shit, he isn't even cool enough to call it a "stache".

Here are the rules.

The Bet

The Moustache must be kept from 01 November until Christmas day. First one to shave it off loses, has a tiny wang and must do the forfeit.

The Forfeit

The loser must read anything the winner can fit onto an A4 piece of paper. It will be filmed and put on youtube. I'm still thinking up sick shit he can say. I'll probably be forced to send his mother a copy of the DVD when it's ready.

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I will be updating this with pics and any breaking news on how gay Matthew "not in the face" Carr looks. I'll also add a link to the youtube video if anyone actually loses.
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 *UPDATE 1* (12/11/09) - Matthew "Ted Danson" Carr sleeps with a hot water bottle. He probably needs it to keep his vagina warm. Oh yeah, and there's still no winner.
*UPDATE 2* (17/11/09) - Matthew "Rimmer" Carr sits down to pee. And it looks like we might have a winner. Fuck Yeah! I'll confirm it on thursday.
*UPDATE 3*  (28/11/09) - UPDATE FROM MATTHEW CARR Yo pop-pickers! As an honourable man, I feel it my duty to confirm that I indeed lost the bet with Mike "don't tickle my scrote" Bishop this very week and filmed my forfeit segments for your viewing enjoyment. I can't say I agree with the content of the video but I certainly agree with the idea of a man fulfilling his obligation to Queeb and country. Long may I live. Goo-goob goo-goob a joob.

10 December- The video is coming! I downloaded a cracked video editing program that almost killed my laptop. I'll get on it hopefully over the next couple of days. Matthews mother is going to disown him when she gets the dvd for christmas

The Video (Finally!)

 


The Score

Mike 1 - 0 Matthew



The Greatest Porn Parodies Ever - Part 4

Here are 20 more parodies

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Dead Men Don't wear Rubbers

Parody of

Dead Men Don't wear Plaid







American Hair Pie

Parody of

American Pie







Hairy Twatter

Parody of

Harry Potter







Pocahotass

Parody of

Pocahontas







City of Anals

Parody of

City of Angels







Porn on the 4th of July

Parody of

Born on the 4th of July







The Curious Taste of Benjamins Bottom

Parody of

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button







Bi-Tanic

Parody of

Titanic







Ally Mcfeal

Parody of

Ally Mcbeal







Womb Raider

Parody of

Tomb Raider







Dirty Harriet

Parody of

Dirty Harry







Shitty Shitty Bang Bang

Parody of

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang







Dude, Where's My Cock?

Parody of

Dude, Where's My Car?







Heels of Fortune

Parody of

Wheel of Fortune







I Know Who You Did Last Summer

Parody of

I Know What You Did Last Summer







Muffy The Vampire Layer

Parody of

Buffy The Vampire Slayer







The Witches of Breastwick

Parody of

The Witches of Eastwick







The Porne Ultimatum

Parody of

The Bourne Ultimatum







Malcolm XXX

Parody of

Malcolm X







From Lust 'til Dawn

Parody of

From Dusk 'til Dawn







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I'll no doubt do a part 5 eventually. As long as Hollywood keeps making movies and people keep liking boobies there will always be more porn parodies.

The Funniest/Gayest/Weirdest Tattoos Ever - Part 2

Here are 18 more tattoos that have amused me in some way. I have more so I might eventually do a part 3. In no particular order:

Nazi Unicorn
Because nothing says white power more than a racist unicorn

Slut Stamp


1# Dick Sucka
It's good for hookers to take some pride in their work

Lawnmower
You'd need a chainsaw to sort out Madonnas muff

Storm Trooper Spanking Captain Kirk

Coin Slot
Because of the credit crunch strippers have started accepting coins, now all they need is somewhere to swipe a credit card

Gay Backpiece
This guy loves the cock

Princess Leia Rubbing her Biff on R2D2
Seriously, what is wrong with Star Wars fans?

Bald Britney
This was when she was going through her Moby phase

Finger Light Sabers

Align Centre
Dolphin Smoking a Bong
This must be on a hippy

Money Shot

Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho, It's Off to Work We Go
I'm not sure what it is they're mining from there

Pacman

OMG it's Jesus

Hug Life
This is what Tupac really meant

Beavis & Butthead vs The Simpsons
This is why people shouldn't buy tattoo machines off ebay

Atlas Holding up a Tit
When you need more support than just a wonderbra.

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Check out Part 1

Good Charlotte Are About as Punk as The Spice Girls

Good Charlotte are shit. They're nothing but a boy band with tattoos.


Wearing your sisters eyeliner doesn't make you a punk. They're like the retarded kid from down the street who ties a scarf around his head and thinks he's a ninja.

Here's a hint for you, it's not real music when your fan base is mainly made up of teenage girls. When you've got the same fans as the Backstreet Boys it's time to stop claiming you're a punk band.

Fuck Madonna. Fuck her fake accent and fuck her massive hairy growler

So Madonna has left Guy Richie and gone back to America. What a fuckin' tragedy. It's just a pity she didn't take that useless bucket of spunk Paris Hilton with her. I've hated Madonna ever since the whole creepy lesbian thing she did with Shitney Spears. It was disgusting, it was like watching a kid smooch her grandmother. When you're that desperate for a bit of publicity that you're sucking face with someone half your age on television, it's time to do a Kurt Cobain and suck on a shotgun barrel.


Can you believe that someone actually paid $37500 for this naked picture. I say naked, it's hardly naked when you're wearing a pair of pants made out of pubes. She might as well have been wearing a pair of shorts. Seriously, it looks like she's got Don King between her legs. Was there some sort of razor drought in the 80's that I never heard about?

Apparently she works out for 2 hours a day, 6 days a week and for what? To look like Iggy fuckin' Pop, that's what.

She might be the queen of pop but she's still got a face like a bag of spanners, she looks like a man in drag and has a gap in her teeth big enough to fit Dawn French's fat fuckin' arse. So she sweats for 2 hours each day, she's a vegetarian and she doesn't shave her bush. I bet she smells like a bag of old fannies.

What's the deal with her marrying that mockney twat Guy Richie and suddenly thinking she was English?


What the hell was that? She keeps slipping into this ridiculously posh British accent. No one in this country actually speaks like that. Who has she been hanging out with, the Queen? When a Brit goes to America for a holiday they don't come back 3 stone heavier with a pimp walk and an American accent. It's ridiculous.

So, Madonna. I'd just like to say, on behalf of the rest of the country, you're barred. You won't be allowed to work or holiday in Britain for the next 7 years. That's right, I've sentenced you. I think the punishment should fit the crime and 7 years sounds about right. I know you only get about 4 years for mugging old ladies but what you've done is so much worse. You annoy me. Just watching that video of you got me so mad that I had to punch my laptop in the face. If I see you around here again before your sentence is up I'm gonna kick you in the biff.

The Greatest Porn Parodies Ever - Part 3

Here are 25 more awesome parodies. If you like these check out Part 1 and Part 2

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V For Vagina

Parody of

V For Vendetta







The Gay Team

Parody of

The A-Team







Nightmare on Dyke Street

Parody of

Nightmare on Elm Street







Foreskin Gump

Parody of

Forest Gump







Tales From the Clit

Parody of

Tales From the Crypt







Cliff Banger

Parody of

Cliff Hanger







Battlestar Orgasmica

Parody of

Battlestar Galactica







Black Cock Down

Parody of

Black Hawk Down







Beaver & Buttface

Parody of

Beavis & Butthead







Dude, Where's My Dildo?

Parody of

Dude, Where's My Car?







American Bi

Parody of

American Pie







Alice in Fundaland

Parody of

Alice in Wonderland







Lord of the G-Strings

Parody of

Lord of the Rings







The Good, The Bad and The Horny

Parody of

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly







Sex Trek: Welcome to the Starship Intercourse

Parody of

Star Trek







Grand Theft Orgy

Parody of

Grand Theft Auto







Planet of the Gapes

Parody of

Planet of the Apes







Anal-ize This

Parody of

Analize This







Dirty Toy Story

Parody of

Toy Story







Twin Cheeks

Parody of

Twin Peaks







Jackie Browneye

Parody of

Jackie Brown







A Rear and Pleasant Danger

Parody of

Clear and Present Danger







Ghost Lusters

Parody of

Ghostbusters







Sperms of Endearment

Parody of

Terms of Endearment







Young Buns

Parody of

Young Guns







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Check out Part 1 and Part 2.

Part 4 coming soon...